Throwing shade: how it hurts you

*Tips tea cup over.*
“Throwing shade” define: To speak of someone negatively with or without them present.

Similar millennial terms: being salty, talking s***.

Gossiping- a practice of pettiness that has been around since the beginning of time. I’m not too good to say Ive never done it. After all, we don’t like everyone we meet and everyone we meet doesn’t and won’t like us. For one reason or another, we end up talking about each other. It just happens. Call it human nature. We war with each other.
Now I’m not accusing anyone of having in depth conversations mulling over how much of a POS you think someone is, its usually a lot more casual than that.
It can be someone’s lifestyle choices, something they said, the way they look and why. Like it may have been a ton of surgery and culture appropriation or something like that. Ahem… but that’s beside the point.
Even reluctantly- I HAVE to make it a point to say, though, to each their freaking own. ESPECIALLY, important with women. Women have been shamed since the beginning of time for any self expression they make. Give the women around you leeway to be whomever they want. We deserve that from one another.

Because I am a human being and I have both preferences and triggers-I arrange my surroundings to make them beautiful and positive TO ME. The internet is magical. You can follow and unfollow and even block things!  Why set yourself up to hit negative land mines? Make your world beautiful to YOU. You have the right to avoid people and things that annoy you, no matter how common or popular they may be right now.

That’s not the issue. If it’s really rusting your brain- be productive instead by educating yourself on the subject at hand. Maybe you’ll gain some empathy, maybe you’ll gain some understanding, or maybe you’ll just hit a very tall brick wall and realize you are just two different forces, and gracefully disagree for your time’s sake. You did everything you could and ethically. Part ways with the nonsense.

I’m going to spoon feed us some of the obvious now. One of the first mannerisms we ever learned.

“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Ever notice how saying something ugly makes you feel ugly? It’s like that foul after taste. You look, sound and feel bitter because you are. I mean, it might for a moment put you higher than the other person in your head, but that’s not real. That’s just you taking the most unhealthy route for a quick ego boost.

Comparisons are made when you feel like what you have isn’t good enough. People don’t realize how transparent it is when they don’t like themselves and in turn they prey on others. (Yes, people CAN see through that.)

Besides that, wouldn’t you want the freedom to live your truth? It absolutely goes both ways. People, we HAVE to learn how to coexist. Deny negativity the right to your mental space.

This is what we millennials call, “staying in your lane.”
If it’s not meaningful or progressive, why are you doing it?
BEFORE you speak, ask yourself-

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

Hint: if it’s some shade, it’s just not. And honestly, it probably isn’t your business either.

EVEN ENTERTAINING THE ENERGY can hurt you. I once literally rear ended someone (thankfully only coasting at like 5mph) because I couldn’t stop checking my phone- looking at twitter, steaming because some girl from my high school said something rude to me hoping to get a reaction. I literally crashed my car. My insurance is STILL high because of that. People, I could have DIED. What a dumb reason for me to die, don’t you think? Because of an insecure persons attempt to throw digital stones at me? All I was doing was reading it, too. Being angry. Basking in that crappy energy. Then boom. I’m involved in a car accident because I wasn’t paying attention to what actually matters. (Message.)
If you want to LOVE yourself, don’t lower yourself, don’t compare yourself, take ownership of your situations and worry about solutions- not about who you can blame. If you are always pointing a finger and in actuality doing nothing yourself, productivity isn’t a true priority.

And please, not to misconstrue my words- you STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT. But that’s case by case, you know when and where it becomes your business. (I’m talking about the more daily junk.)
Don’t pay anything or anybody mind that does any less than heighten your mood, inspire you, respect you or partner with you on a common goal. (‘Cause if they aren’t going to listen to you and you aren’t going to listen to them, seriously, what’s the point?)

If you want to be happy, you have make a conscious effort to make your life enjoyable. I don’t mean superficially enjoyable, I mean like substantially and richly enjoyable.
Don’t only consider your words, but your thoughts that create them and shape what kind of human being you are. These are the things people will remember you by.
But this isn’t just to protect your reputation, but your soul, ma.

This is really about you and your self care.

So next time your about to self infiltrate negative energy into your world, don’t.

Find a way to make it purposeful and enjoyable instead. Stay in your lane, where your grass is so green, queen.


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